The Obligatory New Year Post

I will keep it simple.
2009 was not the best year.
Many mistakes were made on my part.
I lost friends.
I lost love.
I regret it all.
I hope 2010 will be better.
No resolutions for me.
I just want to change,
in every way possible.
This decade will be
the deciding factor
in how my life turns out.
That scares me more than anything.
So here's to you, 2010.
Please don't suck.
Cheers.

Merry

Christmas.

I Wish I Could Write This Well

"I wanted so badly to lie down next to her on the couch, to wrap my arms around her and sleep. Not fuck, like in those movies. Not even have sex. Just sleep together, in the most innocent sense of the phrase. But I lacked the courage and she had a boyfriend and I was gawky and she was gorgeous and I was hopelessly boring and she was endlessly fascinating. So I walked back to my room and collapsed on the bottom bunk, thinking that if people were rain, I was drizzle and she was hurricane."

- John Green, Looking For Alaska

Ice Sculptures

Some nights, when I miss you most,
I'll stand out in the cold
And hope that the shivering
Will distract my body from
My wildly beating heart.
Each frozen breath
Keeping my tears at bay
And my fists clenched.
Rather than turn from the wind,
I face it full on
Bracing for the impact;
Like that time you slapped me
Out of frustration
And stopped me from making things worse.
But the chill of the nighttime air
Is nothing compared to
You leaving me here.
No fire can burn enough to warm me now.
Only the heat of your skin
Pressed to mine
Can thaw these icy bones
And take me back inside.

Love Found (And Lost And Found) Then Lost Again

The only reason why I can take the pain of you not loving me anymore:

I never deserved it in the first place.

Butterfly

if only i could whisper my secrets to a butterfly
and watch as its wings created hurricanes; proving some crazy chaos theory
the winds carrying my words to your ears
singing you sweet lullabies as you rest your head by an open window

if only that butterfly could tell you of all the ways that i love you
and paint you a picture that you could put on your wall
putting myself on an open canvas
and hoping that you would see me as i see you

if only you would whisper your own words
and send that butterfly back to me
so i could hear your breath in every flap of its wings
and fall asleep as i fall in love with you all over again

Poems and Things

I have decided to add to this blog by posting not only mediocre short stories, but also mediocre poetry. And maybe a thought or two here and there. Enjoy. Or don't.

Karma - 1

Kevin returned from his jog around the neighborhood to find that his apartment had been broken into. He immediately contacted the authorities and proceeded to search through the debris to take inventory of what had been stolen. He was surprised to find that, despite the mess, there was nothing missing. In fact, he found several items that he hadn't seen for quite some time; items that he had planned on never seeing again. Among them was a note, and the words that Kevin read brought him to his knees.

V

It was early Sunday morning when Louis woke up in his hotel room.
Alone.
He thought about the previous night. He couldn't help talking aloud to himself.

"Simply amazing. Last night was simply amazing. What is it about her? Whenever I'm with her I feel like a different person. A better person."

He felt the need to tell her these things. So he dialed her number and held his breath until he heard her soft voice answer.

"Hello?"
"Hey Justine."
"Oh hey Louis. What time is it?"
"Oh shit. It's a little past 5 a.m. Sorry for waking you, but I just had to talk to you."

He proceeded to tell her everything that he was feeling. Every thought that was floating through his mind.

"I've been thinking, and I was wondering how you would feel about me staying in LA for a little bit longer. I came here to rediscover myself. To figure out what exactly it is that I want to do with my life. And I've come to the conclusion that I'll never truly know what I want to do. But I do know one thing. I know that I want to stay here and be with you. And if that means leaving my previous life behind, and starting all over again, then I'll do just that. Just let me know that you want me to stay and I will. In my short existence I have loved and in return been loved. This feeling of unrequited love is something new though. I don't know whether to let it go or embrace it with all my might. And that scares me so much. But I can deal with that as long as I know that you'll still be there the next morning. You may not love me, and you may think that I'm crazy for saying that I love you, but that's all that I know and everything that I'm willing to admit. So what do you say? What would you have me do?"

"Go home."

"What?"

"Just go home Louis. It was fun, but that's all that it was ever going to be. You're an awesome guy. I really mean that. But I don't love you. I won't love you. I'm sorry, but this is how it has to be. You need to go back to Manhattan. You need to go home. Goodbye Louis."


"Goodbye Justine."
"Goodbye Los Angeles."